I used to think that I just wanted a few really close friends that I got to spend a lot of time with. Now I decided that I want the opposite. I want a bunch of friends that I just spend a little bit of time with.

I decided this two days ago when at work I walked past an old picture from when Jennie used to work here. For a minute I got that nostalgic tagging at the heart strings and thought "damn I miss that girl". There was a time when we had a hell of a lot of fun together. And then I remembered that we don't seem to like each other anymore.

Then I related that to how my relationships with pretty well everyone I've ever been close to crumbled in some way or another. Then I came to the realization that shit, the more I get to know about a person, the less I like them.

So I don't know why exactly that is, maybe as Tal suggested it's that I have too high of standards for other people to live up to - which are actually misdirected standards that I have for myself but I'm not living up to (it makes sense). But either way I don't like it and the worst part of it is that I don't know if it can be reversed. It seems that once my view of someone has shifted into a new light, I can't help but see them in that light indefinitely.

But I don't want to lose that awe and wonder you have for someone when you first meet them! I don't want to have to keep switching friends for the rest of my life!

Well, the only solution I can think of is that I can't spend a lot of time with anyone. Small bits of time, few and far between. Problem solved. Right?