Tired and working late last night I had so much to do that it was completely overwhelming. Small problems began to bother me and eventually I got so frustrated that I came here and wrote "fuck", "bullshit" and other cheap colorful words in an attempt to feel better. Venting helped a little bit, but afterwards with still loads left to do and no other options, I shut both doors to the office I was working in, turned up my music as loud as I cared to and then proceeded to get to work. And it didn't take long to feel much, much better.

Just before I left to go home I came back and deleted the entry because it seemed silly to leave it up after my mood had changed.

I go through phases where I really want to open up to people, reach out and try to form connections and maintain friendships. Somewhere in the process I begin to feel that even the idea itself seems like wasted energy.

The thought is that I learn a lot from people and experiences, but it's almost as if I'm not capable of fulfilling the role that's required of me.

When there's too much going on I'm freaking out and getting upset over trivial things. When I lock myself away everything seems fine. Do I honestly do better on my own, or is it just me dwelling in my comfort zone and avoiding any real growth?

None of this matters.